100 Shell-arious Turtle Jokes to Brighten Your Day

Let’s take a slow and steady ride into the world of humor with our collection of turtle jokes! These shell-arious puns and wisecracks will make you come out of your shell and laugh your heart out. Whether you’re a turtle enthusiast or just love a good joke, we’ve got you covered.

1. Why don’t turtles use cellphones? They’re afraid of shell shock.
2. How do turtles communicate? Shellphone!
3. What’s a turtle’s favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish.
4. What do you call a turtle who takes up photography? A snapping turtle.
5. What do you call a turtle that sings? A shell-o-nist.
6. Why don’t turtles play hide and seek? They always shell out their location.
7. Why are turtles terrible at playing cards? Because they can’t hold their poker faces, they always turtle up.
8. What’s a turtle’s favorite clothing? A shellter top.
9. What kind of photos does a turtle take? Shellfies!
10. Why was the turtle at the dollar store? He was looking for a shell of a deal.
11. What’s a turtle’s favorite movie? “The Dark Shell Rises.”
12. What do you call a turtle who’s become a secret agent? A shellin’ Bond.
13. Why don’t turtles fight each other? Because they don’t want to risk a shell shock.
14. What do you call a turtle who paints? A shellcasso.
15. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station.
16. What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine? A slow poke.
17. How does a turtle propose? He shells out for a diamond ring.
18. What’s a turtle’s favorite dance? The shell-shake.
19. What’s a turtle’s favorite drink? Shellmonade.
20. Why did the turtle break up with his girlfriend? She had a roving eye… he caught her checking out the hare.

21. Why was the turtle at the bank? To cash his shell-ary.
22. What’s a turtle’s favorite instrument? The shell-o.
23. What do you call a turtle who’s good with computers? A shell-ock Holmes.
24. Why did the turtle refuse to play football? Because he doesn’t like the shellacking.
25. What does a turtle do on its birthday? It shell-ebrates!
26. Why did the turtle become a baker? Because he kneaded the dough!
27. How do turtles communicate at sea? By using their shell-ular devices.
28. What do you call a fast turtle? A turbo turtle.
29. Why don’t turtles like to talk to fast animals? They feel rushed!
30. What’s a turtle’s favorite TV show? “Shell’s Kitchen.”
31. What’s a turtle’s favorite snack? Crustacean ‘n’ chips.
32. What’s a turtle’s favorite music? Shell & Oates.
33. What’s a turtle’s favorite game? Shell or No Shell.
34. Why was the turtle at the gym? To come out of his shell.
35. Why did the turtle go to the party? To have a shell of a time.
36. What do you call a turtle who’s a poet? Shellspeare.
37. What’s a turtle’s favorite day of the week? Shell-turday.
38. How do turtles get high? On a turtle balloon.
39. What’s a turtle’s favorite type of math? Shell-gebra.
40. How do you tell a turtle’s age? Check its shell-by date.
41. What do you call a turtle magician? A shellusionist.
42. Why are turtles the best storytellers? They never rush the ending.
43. How does a turtle ask someone out? “Are you free for a slow stroll on the beach?”
44. What’s a turtle’s favorite food at a BBQ? Shellfish kabobs.
45. How do turtles say goodbye? “Shell you later!”
46. Why did the turtle go to college? To improve his shell-f esteem.
47. What do you call a turtle in a band? A shellist.
48. Why don’t turtles use elevators? They prefer taking it slow on the stairs.
49. How does a turtle get to the other side of the pond? By taking the lillypad.
50. Why did the turtle wear a shell? To cover his bare necessities.
51. What do you call a turtle who writes? Shell Silverstein.
52. What’s a turtle’s favorite song? “Hard shell life” by Jay-Z.
53. What do turtles use to fix their house? A shell hammer.
54. Why did the turtle get a time out? He wouldn’t come out of his shell.
55. How does a turtle feel when it’s home alone? Shell-terless.
56. Why don’t turtles use bookmarks? They shell-ve their place.
57. What’s a turtle’s favorite type of music? Slow rock.
58. Why did the turtle refuse to play soccer? He was afraid of getting a shell card.
59. What’s a turtle’s favorite seasoning? Sea salt.
60. Why did the turtle never forget anything? He had a shell of a memory.
61. Why did the turtle bring sunscreen to the beach? He didn’t want to shell burn.
62. What do turtles use to clean their shell? Turtle wax.
63. What do you call a turtle who likes to spin records? DJ Shell Spin.
64. Why did the turtle join the choir? He had a shell of a voice.
65. What’s a turtle’s favorite exercise? The slow jog.
66. Why was the turtle at the arcade? He wanted to play “Shell Fighter”.
67. What’s a turtle’s favorite fruit? Watermelon, because it’s slow to eat.
68. What do you call a turtle who’s a stand-up comic? Shell-arious.
69. Why did the turtle get the job? He had a shell of a resume.
70. Why did the turtle go to the disco? He heard it was a slow jam.
71. What’s a turtle’s favorite footwear? Flip-floppers.
72. Why was the turtle in detention? He was caught turtle-ing his thumbs in class.
73. What’s a turtle’s favorite car? A Volkswagen Shellback.
74. Why did the turtle go to the library? He needed a novel to retreat into his shell.
75. Why was the turtle at the orchestra? He got a gig as a shellist.
76. What do you call a turtle who’s into real estate? Shell-er.
77. Why did the turtle go to the doctor? His shell was cracking up.
78. What do turtles wear to bed? Their shell-jamas.
79. Why was the turtle always picked last in team sports? He always shells under pressure.
80. What do you call a turtle that flies? A shellicopter.
81. What does a turtle say during a race? Slow and steady wins the race!
82. Why did the turtle join the circus? He was a shell of a juggler.
83. What do you call a turtle who is in charge of a ship? A shell-tain.
84. Why do turtles never forget? They have turtle recall.
85. Why don’t turtles like fast food? They can’t ketchup.
86. What do you call a turtle who is a cleaning fanatic? A shell-shine.
87. Why did the turtle go to the spa? For some shell-care.
88. What do you call a turtle who knows karate? A ninja turtle.
89. Why was the turtle feeling blue? He was feeling a little shell-ow.
90. What’s a turtle’s favorite classical piece? “Moonshell Sonata”.
91. Why did the turtle become a detective? He wanted to shell-ve mysteries.
92. What do you call a turtle who likes to gamble? A shell-gler.
93. Why did the turtle become an astronaut? He wanted to explore shell-axy.
94. Why don’t turtles ever get lost? They carry their home with them.
95. How does a turtle ask for food? “Shell we dine?”
96. Why did the turtle go to the opera? He loved the shell-tos.
97. What do you call a turtle who’s a baker? A dough-turtle.
98. Why do turtles live in shells? It’s not just a home, it’s a lifestyle.
99. Why did the turtle go to the movie premiere? He heard it was a slow-mantic comedy.
100. Why don’t turtles use microwaves? They’re not fans of fast food.

As we withdraw back into our shells, we hope these turtle jokes have added a ripple of laughter to your day. Whenever life feels like a slow crawl, remember, these puns are here to lighten your mood. So keep coming back for more shell-tastic humor! Stay happy, stay laughing.