100 High-larious Weed Jokes to Lighten Up Your Day

Embark on a hilariously green journey with our collection of weed jokes! These high-spirited one-liners and puns are sure to lighten up your day, whether you’re a cannabis enthusiast or just in for a good laugh. Get ready for some ‘high’-quality humor with these light-hearted quips.

1. I named my weed “The Gym” so now I can tell people I hit the gym every morning!
2. Why don’t stoners fight? Because they don’t believe in joint efforts.
3. Weed jokes are like high thoughts…sometimes you just don’t get them.
4. “Son, why is the backyard full of weeds?” “Dad, that’s my retirement plan!”
5. Why is a roach clip called a roach clip? Because pot holder was already taken.
6. Some call it a weed problem, I call it a solution to boredom.
7. How do you know you’re a true stoner? When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!
8. What’s a pothead’s favorite musical? Reefer Madness.
9. How does a stoner propose? With a diamond in a blunt.
10. What’s a pothead’s favorite pickup line? “Are you a joint? Because you’re smokin’!”
11. My friend said that weed is a gateway drug. The only gate I’ve found opens to the fridge.
12. You know you’re a stoner when you mistake oregano for your stash.
13. When I’m high, I don’t go around causing trouble. I can’t even find my keys!
14. What did the weed say to the grinder? “I’m falling to pieces over you!”
15. Why don’t stoners get COVID? Because they’re always at a high distance!
16. I finally realized why stoners are so peaceful – they literally take the high road.
17. I asked my friend if he likes smoking alone. He said, “No, I prefer company. Pass the joint.”
18. What do you call a stoned shark? A baked potato.
19. “Doctor, what do you call a medical condition where the patient can’t stop smoking weed?” “Chronic.”
20. What’s a stoner’s favorite song? “Take Another Little Piece of My Joint.”
21. What’s the stoner’s motto? “Smoke weed every day, and keep reality at bay.”
22. I told my boss I needed a raise because of my high living costs… He handed me a bag of weed.
23. What’s a stoner’s favorite chore? Weed whacking.
24. I used to smoke weed and go to class. I was the highest graded student.
25. I named my dog ‘5 Miles’ so I can tell people I walk 5 Miles every day. I named my joint ‘Homework’ so I can say I do my Homework every day.
26. What’s a pothead’s favorite car? A Volkswagon Bug because it’s filled with joints.

27. If a police officer says “You’re high!” simply respond with “Hi, how are you?”
28. My mom said money doesn’t grow on trees… I guess she’s never sold weed before.
29. Why do weed smokers make great secret agents? Because they’re always undercover.
30. Why did the stoner plant cheerios? He thought they were donut seeds.
31. “You know you’re a stoner when…” “Wait, what was I saying?”
32. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
33. If I were a transformer, I’d be Optimus High.
34. Weed is like the Force: it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
35. Who is the most well-known stoner superhero? Peter Puff the Magic Dragon.
36. Why don’t stoners play sports? There’s too much running around and not enough sitting on the couch.
37. What’s the difference between a stoner and a tweeker? Stoners wait for a stop sign to turn green!
38. If you smoke weed on a boat, does that make it seaweed?
39. What do you call a person who remembers everything about a stoner party? A miracle.
40. “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Mary.” “Mary who?” “Mary Jane, want to light up?”
41. What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A pot hole.
42. I was going to tell a time-traveling weed joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
43. Why are potheads bad at playing cards? They always want to deal.
44. Why is the stoner always healthy? He never misses his daily greens.
45. Weed smokers don’t have bad days…just high moments and munchies.
46. What do you call a pothead’s late-night snack? Baked goods.
47. Why don’t stoners trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
48. What does a stoner do when he’s cold? He turns up the joint.
49. How do you know when a stoner is on vacation? He packs his bud-case.
50. How do stoners say goodbye? “Catch you on the high side!”
51. “How high are you?” “No officer, it’s hi, how are you!”
52. Why don’t stoners get lonely? Because they always have a bud around.
53. My friend’s bakery burnt down last night. Now his business is toast…or as I like to call it, high bread.
54. Why did the stoner go to college? To get a little higher education.
55. What’s a stoner’s favorite exercise? High Knees.
56. My friend said he doesn’t smoke weed, he burns it…and then he inhales the ashes.
57. I heard the postman has been stealing my weed. I guess that’s why they call it high mail.
58. What’s the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green.
59. Why do stoners make terrible detectives? They always forget the clues.
60. If you drop your weed in the river, is it now called sea weed?
61. How do stoners celebrate Halloween? By carving pot-kins.
62. If you bake with weed, is it considered a “baked” good?
63. How can you tell if a stoner is married? They have joint accounts.
64. Why don’t stoners ever get locked out? They always have a key-stone.
65. What do you call a stoner with two spliffs? Double-jointed.
66. Why do stoners love nature? Because of all the buds and trees.
67. What’s a stoner’s favorite type of laundry detergent? High-efficiency.
68. Why are stoners like raccoons? They both love digging through containers for snacks!
69. How does a stoner hide money? In a weed jar.
70. Weed smokers are like squirrels. They never remember where they left their stash!
71. I had a salad for dinner, mostly marijuana, parsley was just for decoration.
72. Why don’t stoners get mad at each other? Because they hash out their problems.
73. How do you know if a spider is a stoner? It’s got high webs.
74. My best friend is a stoner, every time we hang out, we end up having “high” tea.
75. What’s a stoner’s favorite constellation? The Big Bong.
76. Stoners are the only people who can’t find their phone while they’re talking on it.
77. What’s a stoner’s favorite type of candy? Reefer’s Pieces.
78. Why are stoners like magicians? They can make weed disappear.
79. What do you call a stoner flying a plane? High-jacking!
80. How do stoners stay cool in the summer? They use weed fans!
81. Did you hear about the stoner who studied all night for a urine test? He got a high score.
82. What’s a stoner’s favorite way to pay? Bud-transfer.
83. If I had a nugget of weed for every time I lost my lighter… Oh, wait. I do.
84. I tried to quit weed but… it’s 420 somewhere in the world!
85. What’s a stoner’s favorite book? “The Little Engine That Could… Get High”.
86. Why are stoners like birds? They both love cheap seeds!
87. If a stoner works at a bakery, does that mean he’s a “baker”?
88. What’s a stoner’s favorite Christmas carol? “Oh Cannabis Tree”.
89. I wanted to make a weed joke…but I’m afraid it’s too blunt.
90. How does a stoner stay dry in the rain? He uses a pot-umbrella.
91. Why don’t stoners get promoted? They’re always in the weeds.
92. What’s a stoner’s favorite road? The high-way.
93. What do you call a stoner who just finished a joint? Rolling Stoned.
94. Why don’t stoners make good bank robbers? They forget why they’re there.
95. How does a stoner put out a candle? He uses pot-holder.
96. How do stoners sleep? They don’t. They pass out.
97. Why do stoners like to play in the sandbox? It’s high ground.
98. How do stoners spice up their food? They sprinkle it with a bit of herb.
99. Why don’t stoners ever play hide and seek? Good luck hiding when you can’t stop giggling.
100. I’m not saying I’m a stoner, but I’ve spent more time picking seeds out of my weed than my watermelon.

We hope our compilation of 50 weed jokes has been a delightful trip full of laughter. These fun quips were meant to bring a unique twist of humor to your day. Spread the laughter by sharing these jokes, and remember, humor is the ‘high’-light of life. Stay tuned for more entertaining content!