For all golf enthusiasts out there, we have a treat for you! From hilarity on the fairway to amusement on the green, our collection of 35 side-splitting golf jokes will have you laughing all the way to the 18th hole. Perfect for sharing at the clubhouse or to ease your nerves on a tricky putt.

- I once knew a golfer who got lost in thought… it was unfamiliar territory for him!
- Golf: The perfect way to ruin a good walk.
- A golf course is the only place where you can’t hear a husband’s silence from across the room.
- Do you know why golfers carry two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
- Why do golfers always carry a spare sweater? In case they get a hole in two!
- How do golfers stay cool? They stay close to the fans.
- Golf and taxes: you drive hard to get to the green but end up in the hole.
- Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play soccer.
- Golf: a game where you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
- I’d move heaven and earth to be able to hit a golf ball straight!
- I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one.
- If your opponent is playing several shots in vain, don’t interrupt him.
- If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
- When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
- What’s a golfer’s favorite letter? Tee!
- Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
- How is a round of golf like a business trip? Try to do better than last time.
- My doctor told me to take my iron every day and live on greens.
- They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

- Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.
- If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
- You can’t lose a golf ball if you don’t hit it.
- Why don’t golfers in England go out in the afternoon? Because it’s tea time.
- The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
- In golf, it’s not the velocity but the vector.
- The most important shot in golf is the next one.
- I found out that all the bad golfers are playing at the same time as me.
- I’m not feeling too well today. I must have a case of the bogeys.
- Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, they’re sold by the dozen, and you need to buy fresh ones each week.
- You know you’re a bad golfer when your ball retriever has more miles on it than your car.
- The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.
- Golf is the only sport where you can’t hear the other guy’s insults.
- I don’t fear death, but I sure do fear my wife when I forget the anniversary and go play golf.
- The golfer who can’t count always insists he’s keeping the score.
- Why are golf and marriage similar? They both require you to get the balls in the holes.
- Why is golf like a pancake? They both rely on the flip of the wrist.
- Golf: The art of playing fetch with yourself.
- Golfers don’t get mad; they just drive and putt!
- My golf game’s like my driving. I always end up in the rough.
- You can always trust a golfer. They don’t cheat at their hobby, they simply adjust the score.
- How do golfers stay in shape? By doing plenty of greens.
- How do you define a bad golf shot? When the ball replaces a divot.
- You know your golf game is bad when you step up to the ball and the ball says: “Not you again!
- A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
- Why do golfers prefer to wear two pairs of pants? They might get a hole in one.
- Golf is a lot like taxes. You drive hard to reach the green but end up in the hole.
- It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
- Golf is life. If you can’t take golf, you can’t take life.
- Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
- The harder you swing, the faster the ball goes in the woods.
- There are two kinds of golfers – those who finish high and those who finish too high.
- Golf is like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun. If you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.
- No one ever says ‘It’s only a game’ when they’re winning.
- Golf is like a 10-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.
- I’ve spent most of my life golfing. The rest I’ve just wasted.
- Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore’, shoot six, and write down five.
- Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
- Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.
- Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
- Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.
- Golf is a game where guts, stick-to-itiveness and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing but an ulcer.
- Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
- Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Golf is an easy game, it’s just hard to play.
- Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps, and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
- Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
- Golf is a matter of confidence. If you think you cannot do it, there is no chance you will.
- Golf is a game of ego, but it is also a game of integrity. The most important thing is you do what is right when no one is looking.
- Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game.
- Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
- Golf is like religion. If you take it too seriously, it spoils it for you.
- Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose.
- Golf is the worst drug in the world. You can’t kick it, and you can’t quit it.
- If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
- You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
- Golf is a game you can never get too good at. You can improve, but you can never get to where you master the game.
- Golf is not a game, it’s bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
- In golf, as in life, it is the follow-through that makes the difference.
- Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill soured by a whiff of arrogance.
- Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
- Golf: a pastime that combines the excitement of chess with the athleticism of bowling.
- What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer never screams before impact.
- My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
- If you think the grass is greener on the other side, then maybe you should start watering your lawn.
- You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a golf cart, and that’s pretty close.
- The average golfer doesn’t play golf. He attacks it.
- The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.
- They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
- The difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer still screams after the mistake.
- Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
- I’d rather be driving a golf ball than a car.
- The worst day of Golf beats the best day of work.
- Some golfers believe the swing thoughts should be simple. Clear the mind and the swing will follow.
- Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
- A golfer’s diet: Live on greens as much as possible.
- Golf is the hardest game in the world. There is no way you can ever get it. Just when you think you do, the game jumps up and puts you in your place.
- Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 50 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play.
- Golf is the only game where the worst player gets the best of it. He obtains more out of it as regards both exercise and enjoyment, for the good player gets worried over the slightest mistake, while the poor player makes too many mistakes to worry about them.
- Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a very small hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
- Golf is a science, the study of a lifetime, in which you can exhaust yourself but never your subject.
- Golf is like a chain. You can’t have weak links and expect not to break down somewhere.
- Golf is not just about winning. It’s about playing and competing.
- Golf is an unusual game. When you have a good day, you can’t wait to get back out there, and when you have a bad day, you can’t wait to get back out there.
- Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.
- Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
- Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill-adapted for the purpose.
- Golf is a fine relief from the tensions of office, but we are a little tired of holding the bag.
- Golf is a game that creates emotions that sometimes cannot be sustained in polite company.
- Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it’s a game of inches.
- Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears.
- Golf is a search for perfection, for balance. It’s about meditation and concentration. You have to use hand and brain.
- Golf is the pursuit of the infinite.
- Golf is a game, and games are meant to be enjoyed.
- Golf is a matter of spirit, not strength.
- Golf is a game not just of manners but of morals.
- Golf is a sport with more rules than a state prison.
- Golf is a sport that to play you need to get a lot of things to go right. It’s the ultimate sport for nerds; it’s accessible, short bursts of incredible action.
- Golf is a game where white men can dress up like black pimps and get away with it.
- Golf is the only sport that a professional can enjoy playing with his friends.
- Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.
- Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.
We hope our selection of golf jokes has added some extra fun to your golfing experience. Whether you’ve shared these jokes on the course, or chuckled over them in the clubhouse, remember that the real secret to a great game is to enjoy every moment. Keep swinging, keep laughing, and enjoy the game we all love.